Today I honor a very personal anniversary, the 19th one in fact. This special day marks nineteen years since passing through the portal of having cancer in my womb and enduring a sorrowful give-away at the age of 27.
What a passage it was, and continued to be, long after that fateful day nineteen years ago. I still remember it vividly. I’m certain I always will.
What I know now is that I am a wiser woman for having had to give my womb away at such a tender age and live without the fulfillment of my dream of a second child. I am wiser for the courage it called forth in me and for the compassion it drove home in my core. It IS indeed our wounds that allow the light in and allow it in ways that we would never have dreamed of….
I may not have given birth to another child, but I did give rebirth then and many times since to this woman that lives in my body. She knows a way of loving now that is far more expansive than any body’s womb could ever have held. That give-away led to a gift that I continually give and receive now, through my way of being in life and through what I am able to give life to in other ways.
So today, for all that it carries in meaning for me, I honor it.
I light this candle and I honor it.
I honor the wisps of grief and tenderness that remain, even after nearly two decades.
I honor the dreams and the unanswered prayers. I honor the prayers that came to be and the little life that did not.
I honor BEING alive myself, living the blessed life that I have.
I honor my husband and daughter who’ve been with me through that and much more.
I honor my family and friends who encircled me then and now.
I honor those with whom I’ve walked the path of life, whether it has been for a few moments or for many years.
I honor all the myriad of experiences, feelings, realizations, lessons and evolutions that have been lived these past nineteen of my forty-six years of this life.
I honor my own process of living, now more than ever before, and I honor the woman that I Am with all my scars, flaws, frailties, insecurities, eccentricities and uncertainties that are partnered with my continual courage, compassion, creativity, myriad talents, softness, strength, intelligence, intuition, flowing and deepening knowing.
I honor all that I continue to discover and to offer.
I honor life lived authentically and lovingly.
Today, I honor it all.
This creation is an invitation, a remembrance and a celebration of the sacred union within ourselves, in our relationships and in our world. I created it with a deep sense of love, multi-layered awareness and humble awe. It was first shown to a small group at our collaborative Sacred Union Evening on April 30, 2016. Today, I vulnerably share it with you.
Today, May 22, 2016, I am also offering this on my own 23rd wedding anniversary in honor of the beloved love I have found within myself, in my life, and in the connection I now share with my husband, Brian. The image of the toes touching shown in this video are our actual toes as we sat together happily at the beach this year.
And now I offer the message I placed on this video creation:
This is an intimate remembrance and a timeless, soulful invitation to sacred union. It is a call to bring honoring, mutual respect and harmonious balance to the feminine and masculine energies within us and throughout our world, one person at a time.
The song “Thousand Years” had a potent, soul resonant feel to me from the very first time I heard it…. I felt it as a beloved timeless love song between souls, an invocation from the divine, a remembrance of the inner and outer balance of the divine feminine and divine masculine and a call from the Sacred to Awaken and embody this inner marriage, this sacred union, and this balance in our world…. It is a multilayered love song across time, both divine and human. It recalls an eternal invitation to enter into this union within ourselves first and foremost and to create that sacred marriage in our intimate relationships beyond our precious selves.
For me, I hear too…. the voices of Jesus and his beloved Mary Magdalene and all the avatar beloveds across time. With these lyrics, I hear them in turn and together speak to our hearts and souls… inviting, encouraging, reminding and loving us as we walk our paths each day and take each breath and each step.
May we recognize that we are the ones we have waited for….and embody this Way of Love.
“One Step Closer……”
~ This is an offering of love. May it touch your heart.
Blessings & Profound Love, Always, DeAnne
NOTE: All artistic work (photography, artwork, images and music) shared here in this video retains all ownership and copyright by the originating artists.
Music: “Thousand Years” by Christina Perri
Photography: DeAnne Wolfgram
with select photographs from France by Joss Burnel
* “Waterfall Ascension of Christ & Magdalene” and “Lovers at Dolphin Bay” by Sheranda Ann Kumara
* “Alchemical Wedding Sacred Marriage” by Psychedelic Goddess Art
including other images by various artists who have and retain sole ownership of their work and all copyrights
On the evening of April 30th and into the early hour of May 1st 2016, a lovely group of people gathered in my home on what is the holy day of Beltane in the Celtic tradition. The timing felt significant. The intention was to invite in the energy and awareness of the sacred union ~ the harmonious balance and union of feminine and masculine energies ~ within ourselves, in relationship and in our world.
It was an unforgettable evening of story weaving, guided meditation and simple ceremony, to invoke and honor the sacred union within ourselves and upon the planet.
This was the first collaborative event for Zen Rose Garden partners and beloveds Heather Rodriguez and David Caren and Conscious Connections NOW founder DeAnne Wolfgram. It was a significant experience for us all and for those sharing in the gathering. Personal healing shifts and notable life experiences occurred both before, during and after the gathering that were incredibly validating. The communion, vulnerable personal sharing, authenticity, heart intimacy, mutual witnessing, genuine awarenesses and ceremony shared in that small group that evening were life affirming. The ease, acceptance and presence were palpable. We undoubtedly invited the sacred union and this harmonious balance into our lives. We also invoked this on behalf of our world.
Here is the blended description of the evening’s focus co-written by Heather, David and DeAnne.
Now we know…. We are the ones that we once waited for….
Within our hearts and beneath the stars, we are invoking the Sacred Union of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine in a beautiful balanced harmony…
For eons, the two have been out of sync in our world, from once dominant ancient goddess cultures through centuries of masculine driven religion and patriarchy, Now we arrive in our current Awakening Era where the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine are finding The Way to each other ~ creating a more powerful connection than anything we have yet experienced.
Our evening together acknowledges and ignites this catalyzing harmonizing synergy, individually and collectively. Come join us for this Sacred Union, energizing it within your life and throughout our world.
David and Heather will explore our shared collective reunion journey while offering personal stories of their own path to finding this balance within themselves, creating it with each other and bringing that vision to others.
These beloved partners of Zen Rose Garden will be sharing a beautiful love story of reuniting and reigniting this sacred union after so many years of sorrow, fear, and lost love. Sprinkled within their own story is a joyous tale of lost lovers reuniting after eons of travels to the furthest depths of the darkest times on a quest that finally emerges into the flames of passion and truth. The yearning of True Love sated and harmony restored. A special experiential passage will be offered to all present.
The evening promises a journey into BELOVEDNESS…..BEING part of this ancient and present day Alchemy.
May we each help anchor this balance in our world. Blessings….
DeAnne will offer her own potent personal story as a messenger of the Sacred Union, walking in the footsteps of ancient love and awakening to the Beloved within herself and her longtime marriage. For the first time in a communion with others, she will offer both shared sacred union ceremony and energetic activation of the Beloved within.
The significance of this gathering within the energies of Beltane cannot be understated. We are recalibrating ourselves individually and invoking this much needed Union both personally and collectively. The evening will bring nourishment for ourselves and for our world. Thank you for BEING part of this ancient and present day Alchemy.
May we each help anchor this balance in our world. Blessings…..
I had watched the sheriff’s news announcement from yesterday. I was in the midst of reading an article that spoke of fans finding seemingly prophetic references to his April death in some of his song lyrics… My heart was heavy… The tears arrived like no time since his sudden passing.
The tears came in earnest….
at that exact moment…..
a dove struck the window of my home right in front of me and flew off……..
Yes, I’m still right here….
filled with an other-worldly sense of awe.
“This IS what it sounds like when doves cry……..”
and then THEY FLY.
As I contemplate this morning’s experience, I see a variation on a recent theme.
My doctor and I got talking today on topics that dealt with many aspects of life that we each find discouraging, unsettling and even disturbing about our country and the times we are living in now… Hmmm… I SEE that it’s time to look upon all this with clearer vision and fresh eyes…
We can utilize our REAL-Eyes and REALIZE…how we each can play our role in creating the VISION of the world that we wish to see… FOCUSing on the new that we want to create and following through with actions that support that VISION.
My modus operandi in life is to continually focus my lens (be it camera or personal perspective) toward what can be appreciated.
Today, I am going to appreciate that I’ve managed to deal with a lot of shit. AND, when I say shit, I mean it literally….
(as well as emotionally, physically, mentally, empathically, psychically, soulfully etc.) We ALL have. The shit’s getting real! And…’the shit’ is about BEING REAL.
There’s a lot of soul awareness happening in this scatological humouring of life here.
Honestly, it’s been a crappy few weeks in several ways.
We’ve all been feeling that, both personally and globally. We are all dealing with our personal and collective shit…. Some of it is even spewing close to home in various ways.
Here at my home, I really have honestly been dealing with actual “shit.” The parallels just now began to make me laugh with awareness. I’ve been cleaning up seemingly endless, and continual, dog poop for twelve plus days now. I can actually begin to laugh at life’s stinky straightforward ‘in your face’ message.
I get it. It’s time to deal with our shit!!!
For this woman born in the Chinese Year of the Dog, I’m feeling like my own two dogs are giving me that message loud, clear and full-on smelly messy. On 11/11, my daschund/chihuahua mix, my soul pup Kizmet, had just been pronounced fully healthy and healed from her frightening ordeal after inadvertently ingesting rat poison weeks earlier. Then the day after being given this clean bill of health, my inquisitive dog’s phenomenal olfactory acuity led her to another ‘not so great’ tasty treat. I kid you not, the morning immediately after being cleared of that month-long un-fun scary adventure, she got into my husband’s partially zipped canvas work bag to feast on an entire quart-size Ziploc bag of freshly made elk meat jerky. My hubby let me know about it and warned me to keep an eye on her. I thought she’d processed it swiftly with the one enormous blowout she had later that evening. I was wrong. After a week of constant diarrhea, Kizzie was finally clear of her anal adventures. I breathed a sigh of relief….literally. That relief lasted just one day. THEN….our other tinier dog began her own version of those same rear-end adventures. I’m guessing she ate a few pyracantha berries off a bush in the backyard (even while being closely monitored by we humans.) Ugh… I’m at a loss to know what’s up. I just know that my sweet Yorkie, Misty, woke me in bed five days ago by messing everywhere – in the bed with me. Yeah…. YUCK! Disgusting pretty much describes it. And now, I’ve been washing sheets, pillows, towels, cloths, floors, rugs and doggie beds for days straight. Today, I’ll take this one into the veterinarian to get checked out. Hopefully, she is nearing the end of her own genuine “shit” storm.
And…while all this “shit” has been pervading our home, I’ve been moving through clearing more old ‘shit’ from my psyche. I’ve been bravely and clearly witnessing old emotional patterns and dynamics coming up within myself and with many people in my family and circles of friendship. Compassion reigns but there’s still shit to deal with…
Yeah… seriously, I am claiming success in dealing with shit right now. Giving myself a genuine inner Amen To THAT!!
Offering the same full-fledged HiGH Five to each and everyONE of you that are courageously owning who you truly are and dealing with the sometimes stinky ‘shit storms’ that ensue when you do. Believe me, it might feel and smell bad for a time and yet ‘in the end’ it feels SO incredibly clean and clear to be real, healthy and genuinely authentically ourselves. I feel the next level of that coming ON full throttle for me now. Inner ‘Thumbs up’ for myself there!
By the way, those of us who are dedicated to being aware, conscious and ‘beautifully messily’ divinely human all know that we’ve got to take full responsibility for our lives. That means recognizing and processing our own shit while being compassionate with ourselves (and others) and simultaneously loving ourselves into our unique humble magnificence. Sometimes, amidst all that, our best teachers and healers are our loving animal companions.
An energy healer mentor once shared with me that animals are such profound, compassionate beings and healers that they will “take on” the excess energies of humans in order to balance any extremes of energy around them. It is a natural role for them, one of protection, healing, love and balancing. It was an epiphany for me at the time.
That awareness just came to me again today…. Hopefully, if my two sweet soul pups did take on some of my emotional clearing energy the past two weeks, then they have cleared it through their own systems now. Let’s hope that “shit” is done.
And now… after enough years of diving deep to clear my own emotional shit and doing my own inner work, I know that the filthy stuff, be it dog poop or inner crap, truly will not last forever…..
It feels good to remember that. “This too shall pass….” (and sometimes it does have to go through the intestines to do so. LOL!)
Autumn arrives …..
Her Grace asks us to ‘let go’ like the leaves upon the trees.
What is ready to leave within you?
Are you giving yourSelf the time to hone in…
to recognize your needs and your natural rhythm of life?
Are you honoring who you are now by blessing and releasing what was… so that you may savor and live in ‘what IS?’
Honor your precious energy and your beautiful self.
BE with You, right now, and feel that deep love that you are. ❤
I “Queened” my closet today!
It’s remarkable how a woman cleaning her physical closet experiences such a journey of Self. It’s a cleansing, remembering, self realizing, ‘letting go’ and life honoring experience. I actually appreciated every moment of it today.
Now I have a ‘Queened’ closet and a “Queened’ Life! Here’s to treating ourSelves with honor.
Blessings to you each and always, all~ways, So Much Love. D*
I awoke this morning to the soothing sounds of rain cascading down upon our Mojave Desert. My morning self Reiki beneath the covers was especially deep, soothing and warm. Puppies nuzzled my face and we all emerged to greet this day of 1-11-15.
In Angel Number meanings, 1-1-1 has great significance. It is a message and a time to be especially attentive to our thoughts and feelings. We are encouraged to focus upon what it is that we truly want and desire to create in our lives and in the world. This morning feels like a perfect time for that deep soulful attention, reflection and creation.
I’m in the midst and mist of a serene, deeply inward morning on this calm, cleansing and rare rainy day here in our Mojave Desert. The rain drops are dancing on the top of the pool water, cascading from the roof and creating a beautiful symphony of soothing flowing music.
Loving life this morning and feeling at peace. It’s a blessed experience for this 1-11-15 day. Yes, peace IS more of what I wish to create within myself and within our world. As we each take responsibility for creating our own inner peace, the outer world responds and transforms in kind. I truly believe that.
So this morning and today, I will look upon these sweetly inspiring images that are meaningful to me and lovingly, intentionally focus upon what I wish to create. Like the steps in my home and backyard, I’ll remind myself to take one step and one breath at a time. There’s no rush, no need to over do….simply to BE and to follow the guidance of my own inner compass. Now is the only time I have. Everything in life has led me to this moment, and this moment will be the foundation of everything that is yet to come. I’ll sink deeply into “this moment” with PRESENCE marrying both my Being and Doing from this.
Blessings for peaceful moments to each of you and all~ways, always…. So Much Love. D*