Love you G-G

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On July 17, 2020, this very special woman made her transition. Our “G-G”, Brian’s grandmother and Lauren Claire Wolfgram‘s last living great grandmother, was one heck of a woman.

Marge Wolfgram had an incredible hearty laugh and could get you rolling with her humor and delivery. Her keen mind was sharp into her 90’s, and she lived independently until just the last few weeks of her life. G-G’s cookies were always plentiful, as were her hugs. I’m so glad we had the visits that we did over the years despite living across the country from her.

Lauren and I are so very, very thankful that we were able to have this finale conversation with her via Zoom on June 12th just as G-G began her at home hospice care. On this day, you wouldn’t have imagined she was anything but one thousand percent healthy, sassy, smart and fun. She was. This conversation was amazing. The laughter was constant and G-G told us how much she loved us and how much she loved being in our family. I can’t imagine a more perfect goodbye, unless we had been able to hug her one last time.

Marge gave her entire family the gift of these special goodbyes, visits and chats before she passed. I’ve never known anyone who made their transition in quite a way as this, but then again, G-G was quite a woman.

Having her wish me a Happy 50th on the video Lauren made for my birthday was absolutely unforgettable. Of course, I bawled instantly, knowing she wouldn’t be with us for long as she made her wonderful and (of course) humorous wish to me.

We shall miss her. I shall miss her, but I know she is having some wonderful reunions right now. Marge has a huge family and countless loved ones, here on earth and in Heaven.

I’m so incredibly grateful that she and I were able to share two very special conversations in the final months of her life. Our shared sass, appreciation, humor and love was a blessing.

Thank you G-G. Blessed journey on… We love you so.💗

“All My Life’s A Circle”

“All My Life’s A Circle”

This circular experience of Life…. and our Circles of Connection feel very present today. These lyrics have been singing within all morning. Enjoy! ☀️

“All my life’s a circle, sunrise and sundown
Moon rolls through the night-time till the daybreak comes around
All my life’s a circle but I can’t tell you why
Seasons spinning round again, the years keep rolling by

Seems like I’ve been here before, and I well remember when
I’ve got a funny feeling that we’ll all be together again
No straight lines make up my life, all my roads are bends
There’s no clear-cut beginning and so far no dead ends

I’ve found you a thousand times, I know you’ve done the same
Then we lose each other, it’s like a children’s game
If I find you here again the thought comes through my mind

Life is like a circle, let’s go round one more time” 🌀

With So Much Love and Deep Gratitude.
Blessings to You Today, and Always.

“I’ve got a funny feeling that We’ll All Be Together Again…” xoxo🌏

DeAnne

‘Circle’ by the late great Harry Chapin

Thank you

Professional Firefighters of Nevada


These times are profound for everyone.

Today, March 31, 2020, is my husband’s final day of serving as a Vice President for our state’s Professional Firefighters of Nevada.

What a strange, poignant, profound time to be passing the baton to a very capable member of our Henderson Professional Firefighters Local who will now also fulfill that important state role.

As my husband relinquishes his final firefighting service role, for now, we are in the midst of selling our home, soon moving and eventually building a new home.

Yes… These times are profound for everyone.


Today, I simply want to acknowledge my husband’s three decades+ of firefighting service and the many significant local and state leadership roles he has fulfilled.

Those that follow are blessed because of your leadership Brian. We are all grateful. 🔥❤️🔥

The Christmas Memory I Wish We Hadn’t Made

9c2c21d3-065f-4973-a781-c158df077f01Well…. this was one Christmas~time memory that I wish we had not made…..

Last night created the memory of our “Egg Nog Dog.”

This photo shows our 9 year old pup sleeping off her hangover this morning…. following her opportunistic devouring of 3 ounces of my egg nog, 14.75% alcohol (29.5% proof) premixed egg nog at that!

I had poured my festive drink and was sitting down to watch a romantic Christmas film when I suddenly decided I wanted to nibble.

As the show continued, I got up and made my snack, completely forgetting my beverage on the couch side table. While I was absorbed in making some clam dip, my opportunistic Chiweenie snuck in and guzzled down the entire glass of egg nog.

Unknowingly, I returned to the couch with snack in hand and sat back down (without ever having seen her pull off her sneaky sipping.) Kizmet was already curled back on her pillow contentedly. When I reached for my egg nog and placed the glass to my mouth, I was momentarily gobsmacked to find it entirely empty. She had licked it completely clean.

I instantly grew concerned and researched alcohol issues with dogs. It didn’t seem like a large quantity at first and so I gave her a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide to prompt vomiting (which multiple sources online recommended and which a vet tech later warned me not to do in future due to possible aspiration+.) I also poured extra water into her and pondered further response.

When she began wobbling, bumping into furniture, flopping sideways onto pillows and not able to walk a straight line after 40 minutes, I got worried. My soul pup was most definitely drunk.

I went to get out of my nightgown and ready myself for a vet trip. In doing so, I woke my retired first responder and asked his advice. He recommended I continue watching her closely and keeping her near me. I had been doing that and became even more vigilant. At that point, he didn’t think an emergency vet visit would be needed.

I was still fairly calm yet worried. My concern spilled out my eyes as I held my girl, and Kiz wildly licked away the tears, even as she couldn’t entirely hold her head up consistently straight. Kiz may have been feeling badly, but she was concerned about me. Sweet baby…

My fair amount of calm ended about 75 minutes after my dog’s egg nog guzzling.

At that point Lauren had arrived home and Kiz greeted her happily yet really wobbling significantly, even falling over sideways. Lauren responded that it was concerning but it was also quite funny to see her like that.

Kiz was thrilled to see her grown up girl. She flopped in Lauren’s lap and then stretched up to lather her face with oodles of egg nog smelling dog kisses.

Within moments of that sweet greeting, Kizmet face planted on the carpet and then stood up on wiggling legs and vomited. It was a mega vomit moment. Up came her snack, dinner and huge amounts of nasty smelling, water loaded, egg nog liquid all over Lauren’s new creamy carpet. Thankfully, at least it was all the same color. Ugh!

The vomiting continued in multiple places. We couldn’t respond quick enough to clean up a spot before she wobbled elsewhere and got sick again. Sometimes sliding in the slickness or flopping so that her lovely ears or front legs landed in the mess.

Oh my poor baby… Oh my God, did I feel like an awful doggie momma. Concern and guilt warred for supremacy in me. Worry took the lead.

Kizmet’s heart began beating rapidly from the anxiousness and sickness. Mine did too.

When not holding Kiz as I cleaned up vomit or cleaning up a spot herself, Lauren also did more research.

At that point, I was getting more alarmed seeing Kizmet’s eyes a bit glazed and her head flopping.

It was then close to midnight. Lauren and I came to a mutual decision.

I fervently chose to get our beloved dog into an emergency vet. I asked Lauren to accompany me. With Kiz hyperactively pacing and flopping, she needed to be held as someone drove. Lauren brought out her own favorite blanket, and we wrapped up our pup. I readied for the drive but Kiz was lunging from Lauren’s arms and toward me. It became obvious that I needed to hold Kiz so Lauren took the driver’s seat. Luckily, I brought extra towels in the car. We needed one.

Lauren calmly drove and kept saying soothing statements to me as I was chastising myself and worrying over Kizmet in turns… I had, at least, done the best I could in each moment. How grateful I was for my daughter and her sage presence.

We got to the emergency vet in 18 minutes and I was greeted by a kind veterinary technician promptly. When asked if Kizmet had vomited, I offered that she had… about six times.

After taking down all the details, she went in the back with Kiz to get her vitals. I could hear her reassuringly telling Kizmet that she would be “back with momma soon.” My four legged girl is very attached to me.

I sat alone in the exam room sending my soul pup Reiki and sending more energy to the man and his dog in the next room as I heard him sharing his love for his companion in the minutes before his dog was to be euthanized. Through the wall, I had heard him ask questions of the doctor and come to that heart wrenching decision. My own heart ached for them both, even as I begged angels to take care of my own beloved companion.

After a time, a smiling veterinarian came in and told me that Kiz was doing well. He admitted that she was a little wobbly but that she was alert and her vitals were all good. I would be able to take her home without any further treatment. The vomiting she had done was key. Now I would need to watch for any strange breathing and simply keep water nearby for her.

My relief was immense…

Our conversation took a more humorous turn as the vet commented that at least Kiz hadn’t drunk Everclear. (Lordy, none of us ever would.) The vet was very warm, calm and kind. He didn’t convey the least amount of criticism or judgment. In fact, he was keeping it all very light. He shared that we just needed to treat her as we would ourselves. She would need to sleep it off and drink water. I thanked him and the vet tech and gladly paid the $90 exam fee.

While I was making the payment, Kiz made a few strange noises. I asked her if she was about to toss her cookies again. Thankfully, I’d guessed it. I tilted her sideways in my arms and she vomited on the lobby floor (completely clear of herself, Lauren’s blanket and me.) Well done us!! I apologized to the receptionist and she said not to worry.

With enormous relief, we made our way home.

Kizmet slurped down huge quantities of water the moment we arrived back. She and I shared a snuggly tired sleep in the guest room from 2AM – 9AM with only one time of her waking up for more water.

Our pup was much more herself upon waking but obviously slightly weak and tired. The ‘hang-over’ signs were clear.

Kiz and I even napped in the trailer on property (during the soothing rain shower this afternoon) as our home was toured by a realtor and a prospective buyer. That part was a sweet memory as I had a dog under the covers beneath my right hand and our amazing cat Smokey beneath my left hand.

Ahhhhh… purrs, rain drizzling, the warm calm heartbeat of my pup and me all snuggled and appreciative…

I am so very glad that this story had a happy ending…

Lesson learned…. Prayers answered. Heart grateful. 💗

Breathing More Deeply

After two weeks of Brian being retired from firefighting, I’ve realized that I am literally breathing more deeply.

I knew I was always subconsciously aware of what he faced at his job and what could happen. Those possibilities and realities always loomed, quietly ~ pondered in a moment and then tucked away inside me.

Truly, the unknowns of life are present for us all regardless of occupation, but we know that some take on another level of challenge. Our firefighters and other first responders most certainly do.

I knew I was always aware of this in the back of my mind and heart….

 

I now know that it was far more than I ever knew.

 

This has been part of our relationship since the moment we met, since we joined our lives, since I gave him my heart.  Now my heart beats more calmly.

 

Ahhhhhh……. Another deeper breath…..

 

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Profound divine thanks that my man came through his 32+ years of firefighting as he has and is the man he is.
Thank you
that I am now breathing far easier than I ever knew I could.
Our journey continues with many adventures
and that feeling of TOGETHERness
is BEYOND even what we had known before this.
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Life is good, and I am so truly, deeply Thankful.

Love is your greatest Strength

IMG_3065Love is your greatest strength. 🌹


Bring a quiet stillness within and allow the whispers of your own soul.
❤️
There is a restoration and aligning offered in the energy here.

I was guided to create this altar today. It is a love infused gift, to each of us.

A depth of soul is present, along with profound empathy, fierce gentle Grace, forgiveness across lifetimes, community encircling, hearts unifying, sisterhood restored, brotherhood honored, Belovedness embodied and The Way of Love alive.
🌹
May you know how much you are loved.


#BeReal #BeYou #BeTheLove #BeLoved

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Emerge Butterfly! 🦋

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What is the BUTTERFLY IMAGE OF YOU TODAY? ~~~~

“I once heard it said a caterpillar can fly, but not as a caterpillar.

A caterpillar has to be willing to go through a metamorphosis. There are imaginal cells in the caterpillar that begin to activate the transformation of metamorphosis.

Now at first the caterpillar’s memory of what the caterpillar is, or its immune system, fights those imaginal cells. Ultimately, because they are of a higher power, those imaginal cells take over and the caterpillar submits to the transformation that brings forth the butterfly.

So my friend what is the butterfly of you, seeking to emerge this day? What is that butterfly?

You can fly. You can do whatever it is that is in your heart and burning to come forth, but not in the image you have held of yourself.

So what is the butterfly image of you today? Know that this is God’s dream for the next stage of your life. Get in touch with that image.

It’s you.

Spread your wings…” – Mary Manin Morrissey 🦋

shared with thanks to Cathy Lynn
photograph: DeAnne Wolfgram (c) 2006

Harmonious Flow

View More: http://2catsandaladybug.pass.us/angelwings

I Am Ready to FLY amidst new adventures on life’s journey…. while having mySelf well grounded in earthy love, divine devotion, inner guidance, beloved inspirations, co-creation and harmonious flow…. 

These are among my visions and intentions for this year,  and what a year it will be….

There is immense letting go and opening to the new happening in my world. An era ends soon…the page turns and a significant new chapter is ready to be written. A time of creating, manifesting and building arrives in earnest.

Harmonious Flow is my core intention for this very special year. 🌊❤️🌊 May it Be. 🙏🏻 And So It Is. 

#DeLighted #HarmoniousFlow

#2019isON #FlashBackFriday #Angels #Presence #Joy #Harmony #Soul #Journey #Appreciating #SavoringTheMoments #EnjoyingTheJourney 

🕊

Thank you @jenymags for this angelic photo shoot in 2014.

Heroes Unite ~ Remembering 10-1

One year ago, the weekend of 10-1-17, I had been blessed to share a significant “Women’s Journey” weekend with my daughter, sister-in-law and niece. It was a spontaneous experience and one that would be meaningful and empowering for us all. We shared a day with inspiring luminaries like Jean Houston and Joan Borysenko. We drummed, danced, engaged our inner heroines, connected as mothers, daughters, sisters and friends and reminded ourselves to bring the gifts of who we are to the world. We and all who gathered for that incredible women’s conference were certainly heroines united.

Little did we know how immediately we would need all the inspiration and strength this experience ignited within us.  We drove home from California with joy pumping through our veins. Then….two hours after I dropped my sister-in-law and niece at their home, just  a few miles from Mandalay Bay… the unthinkable would happen.

I was sipping a glass of wine at 10pm as I settled in from our drive home. I was relaxing before bed, but I wouldn’t end up going there for 5-6 hours.  Scrolling on social media, I learned of the mass shooting at the Route 91 Country Music Concert from a passing Twitter post by the producer of La-La Land… What an incredulous way to learn of what was happening in my own city. It seemed unreal. It was.

Then messages, videos, tweets, posts and more came flooding in…. As midnight arrived and 10-1 became 10-2, personal queries of concern came from friends across the globe in France and from others who live in our valley who had loved ones there on the Las Vegas Strip, working or attending the concert. One friend and I spent hours messaging back and forth. We each were sleepless, wondering about our husbands who were at work that night. Her husband works for the hit show “The Blue Man Group,” and they were on lock down at the Luxor. My beloved was on duty as a first responder. I did not know if he had been sent into that horror.

Minutes turned into hours… of not knowing, of praying, of envisioning, of beckoning angels, of being supportive in exchanges with others, of practicing immense trust and hope… and of pondering my own personal fear…..of wondering what I would do to carry on if anything happened to the man I’ve shared a quarter century with in this life. Calm, terror and courage coursed through my veins in turns.  I couldn’t even imagine what all the concert goers and first responders were going through… It was unimaginable and yet the horror was really happening …. in our city.
Oh my God.

I was stunned, shocked, horrified, uncannily present to everything and yet also chilled to the bone.  My husband, Henderson Fire Captain Brian Wolfgram, was on duty that night. I knew the mutual aid agreement between departments would mean his station might be dispatched to the mass casualty scene, even amidst not knowing if the active shooter was still a threat. I sat up awake for hours, like so many others, not knowing… He would text me shortly after 1am to let me know that he was o.k. My relief was immense. His paramedics had been at Sunrise Hospital as the floodgates opened and the wounded came in en-mass.  They stayed to help there. The situation was overwhelming. With my husband’s station under-manned, their crew was not sent to the Route 91 scene. Had they all been in station, they would have gone there. What a twist of fate.  Instead, other units led by dear friends of ours went and like so many other first responders, endured the unimaginable while bringing the best care and skill to the very worst our city has ever seen. These brave men and women faced a harrowing ordeal together, as heroes united.IMG_1741 - Version 2

The morning afterward when Brian came home on October 2, 2017, we all sat at the table eerily calm and present. Our daughter and I listened as her father told us stories of the night before ~ all that he had heard from fellow firefighters and the heroic efforts of one fellow Henderson fireman who was attending the concert with his brother. Brian would not be home with us for long that day.  As a local and state firefighter union representative, my husband went into immediate action then and for many days: attending to those in need, going out to first responder meetings and supporting fellow firefighters who had been at the concert, as attendees and as first responders.  Those who had given help would need help as well.  Even heroes need help sometimes.

Our W.E. women empowered group encircled immediately on that stunned morning via our shared group text with messages flying by the second. Surreal connections of all kinds came forward. And amidst it all, immense supportive friendship and love poured forth. We each and together were strategizing how we could help. Some went out to blood donations centers or delivered cases of water bottles. Monetary donations were made. IMG_3653

Plans and further actions unfolded over the next week and weeks. I would very intentionally support my husband and our firefighter family community however I could. I marveled at how our entire community activated across the valley with enormous compassion in action. We were showing the world that Las Vegas truly is a small town filled with people of immense hearts of love and service. We know how to care for people, not just on vacation but in a time of the worst tragedy our entertainment mecca has ever known. That day and in the days to come….the unfolding stories and social media posts encouraging prayers and courage were simply extraordinary.  Our entire community was full of heroes, of all kinds.

It’s incredulous how the human body and spirit can rise to meet a crisis. I witnessed it all around me and even within myself that day, but by afternoon and evening, the emotional overload was taking its toll. Again, I cannot imagine how it was for those in the midst of the actual trauma and tragedy. My empathic heart was on overload from just where I was and yet I tried to remain in a grounded and supportive place. It was a challenge.  The intense currents of emotion were felt everywhere by everyone.

Thankfully, a perfectly timed personal message from a very dear friend arrived to me and my heart at just the right time that day….as my empathic senses were coping with the overload.

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It came just before I was heading to a gathering of women community leaders. Our Clarity Women’s Business Circle’s monthly meeting was on that October 2nd night. Being together that evening was important.  I unravelled emotionally with them in a way that I never had before as I contemplated, for the first time at a visceral level, what could have happened to my husband. In almost 25 years of marriage to a first responder, I had never endured an evening where it shook me to my core like that. IMG_1644.jpg

Each Clarity Sister had her own poignant experiences of that day. We women lit candles, encircled with one another, shared our hearts and stories and brought as much balm to that moment as we could for ourselves, for one another….and for our valley.  We were tender-hearted heroines, united.

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As the coming days unfolded, the stories of heroism of all kinds filled news reports, social media posts, television screens, newspapers, magazines and conversations. And  yet, these moments shared together were enormous acts of heroism as well. Vulnerable, courageous hearts shared openly with others brought people together. Tragedy does bring an enormous PRESENCE to our lives. We live and act from a place that transcends anything other than our pure shared HUMANITY.  Living like that is the stuff of heroes. Bringing that profound presence to life more and more is what happens when Heroes Unite…. when WE UNITE.  And with the recollection of what our valley shared in October 2017 and beyond, that is exactly what I see, intend to embody and wish for us all going forward. May we All…..be…. HEROES UNITED.

With So Much Love, DeAnne

Here are more beautiful glimpses of the everyday heroes that I am blessed to call my loved ones, friends and colleagues and the inspiring moments we shared in October 2017. It is a mere glimpse but a precious one. Thank you for sharing this experience with me.

May We Each Be Our Own Hero and Unite with One Another, with Love as Our Guide.

Thank you. I love you.

Tonight, I’m sending love and gentleness out to this young woman.

In this moment, pictured here at her 27th birthday on June 23, 1997, she knows she’s received a call that same day that did not feel like a gift. Her doctor’s office wanted her to come in for a biopsy. The result would be a cancer diagnosis.

The gifts of all that would be many but would be opened over time, over many years.

The tiny girl next to her would share stories of timeless love and whisper to her mommy that “everything is going to be alright.” That wise little one was right. She was so very right.

21 years later, today, I am honoring the day my womb left my body and opened a space in me that would eventually bring in a depth of compassion and love that I could not have begun to imagine in this moment…. as I opened these birthday gifts.

Today, as I do every year on September 12th, I celebrated being alive and still being here on earth to experience all these many adventures and so SO MUCH LOVE.

To this courageous young woman pictured here, I say, “Thank you. I love you. I love you more than I ever knew then and more with every passing year.”

She and I are together in this moment and we did it. We beat cancer. My horoscope sign may be a double cancer but I’m also the Cancerian Woman who has thrived after having cancer… Ahhh yes…I’ve bumbled and stumbled a bit at times but still thrived. And there is still so much more life yet to live.

I will live it with more love, for myself and for everyone, with every moment. That is the gift I’ve received. I’m thankful I’ve opened it so fully now.

So to you too, you reading this, I say Thank you,
thank you for being here and so SO MUCH LOVE.

❤️
#BeReal #BeYou #BeTheLove #BeLoved