Cusco: A Clearing & Homecoming

June 18, 2023 ~ Our Hidden Inca Tour: Peru & Bolivia guided tour began with an early morning bus ride to the airport and our flight from Lima to Cusco.

Our personal experience of the tour began with some very strange happenings. After breakfast, we discovered that we were locked out of our room with all of our luggage still inside. New keys, a visit by the manager and a review by the maintenance person didn’t resolve the problem. We were beginning to get stressed and nervous as our tour group was to be loading onto the bus for the airport in minutes.

Meanwhile, my intestinal tract was feeling off. We didn’t just need our luggage in the room. I needed a bathroom. While Brian learned that our lock mechanism on our room needed a new battery and was resolving that with the hotel staff, I made a dash for the restroom in the hotel lobby.

Brian made it downstairs with our luggage just as everyone began loading onto the bus. I was still in the restroom with the intestinal issues. Then, as I went to leave the bathroom, I couldn’t get the door open. OMG! I was locked in the restroom. After a minute or two of trial and error, I finally got the door open and we sprinted out to the bus.

For the first time in Brian’s life, he was the last one to arrive somewhere. We were the final two people to get on the bus.

Our flight to Cusco and arrival there had more happenings and a sacred experience as well….

We were relieved to be on our flight and excited for the journey ahead.

Brian settled into the flight and took a nap. I had a little more adventurous trip. As I gazed out the window with our plane cascading over the Andes Mountains, I was suddenly overcome with emotion and this deep soulful feeling. Somewhere inside of me I heard the words, “I’m coming home…. I’m coming home…” In that instant, tears began to stream from my eyes.

Not long afterward, I felt a strong surge of energy and an accompanying sense of nausea. Luckily, the woman seated next to me had asked for sick bags for her teenage son who is prone to motion sickness. Thinking that preparedness was a good idea, I had asked for two as well. Thank goodness I did.

For the first time in my life and out of the clear blue nowhere, I got sick into that bag on the airplane. I was so subtle about it that Brian kept on napping and didn’t notice. He only awoke when I attempted to go to the lavatory and was turned back due to turbulence as travelers were asked to take their seats.

My sickness continued as we arrived into Cusco on Day One of our Hidden Inca group tour. Once we landed, I headed straight to the restroom as Brian collected our luggage. A kind former teacher from Canada who was on our trip asked after me and kept an eye out on me in a nurturing motherly way for the rest of the day.

Once on our bus ride, I continued feeling unwell. By that point, my hubby was keeping a keen loving eye on me too. Astonishingly, once again, I grabbed for another sick bag that I had tucked into my purse and emptied my stomach. Then, I learned how much my husband really does love me. He actually offered to hold my bag filled with the contents of my stomach. Yes, he is a former fire captain and advanced EMT, but still…. that is a next level kind of love offering. I thanked him and held it myself.

Once we got to the hotel, I again headed straight for the restroom after receiving our tour headphones and putting my full bag in a trash can. As I sat on the throne, I listened to the opening remarks of our group gathering that was transpiring in the hotel meeting room.

Thankfully, I soon felt well enough, just in time, to join our group for the sacred ceremonial opening of our Peruvian experience. Our shaman Wilco dressed head to toe in Incan priestly regalia spoke of the significance of Cusco. Our tour host and author Brien Foerster (who has been a presenter on the History Channel show “Ancient Aliens”) had told us about Wilco at the orientation and shared that Wilco is a ‘rare individual.’ He is part of an unbroken line of Incan shaman going back to the 15th century before the Spanish conquered Peru and annihilated much of the Incan and pre-Incan culture. Those Incans, who had lived, had quietly kept their wisdom alive for generations. Wilco was the latest in that line of wisdom bearers.


As I took my seat in the semi circle surrounding our tour’s shaman and the special altar he had created, I listened to Wilco speak (via translation by our tour manager Gustavo). Wilco shared with warm reverence and emphasis that “Cusco is the womb of Mother Earth. In Cusco, each of us connects our umbilical cord to the womb of the earth.”

Again, emotion welled up in me. Each of us were asked to share why we were here, in Cusco and on this trip to Peru. With tears streaming down my face, I said, “Cusco has called for a long time, and I feel like I’m coming home.” Wilco looked at me with one of those gazes that feels like someone sees right into your soul. I humbly, tenderly smiled and then listened as each person took their turn sharing.

Incredulously, the only other person to have tears arise was our tour guide Brien Foerster. He had not seemed an especially emotive person, but when he spoke of his desire to right the wrongs done to the Peruvian people by the Spanish his heart was keenly pouring out through his words. As I listened while staring at the back of his head, I took note that only he and I had cried, and he was sitting directly in front of me as my heart resounded in my chest. That connection formed a quiet, simple bond that seemed to continue though much of the Peru experience.

After our sacred opening ceremony, my loving Brian and I went to our hotel room. At first, I immediately shifted into my common resiliency mode and thought I could join the first walking tour of our trip; however, after several minutes, I realized that self care was my priority. Brian offered to stay with me in the hotel room, but I encouraged him to go on the walking tour of Cusco on behalf of both of us.

And so he did, lovingly taking photos to share with me. While he was away, I reached out to a dear friend who was right there messaging with me as I went through a poignant heart opening and energetic clearing experience.

Yes, I seemed to be in the midst of a Montezuma’s revenge sickness, or given that I was in Peru rather than Mexico maybe I should call it an Athaulpa’s revenge experience. In any case… I was genuinely sick, likely from eating a quarter size piece of lettuce with my ceviche at a local coastal restaurant the day before. Still… this truly felt like more than a food issue body clearing.

My keenly intuitive friend validated my sensing and encouraged me to ground myself by putting my bare feet on the floor. As an enormous cascade of tears poured forth, she lovingly held space from her home in Montana as I went through this experience in Cusco, Peru. We both knew this was a potent clearing on many levels. She quietly continued holding space from a distance while I went through my process on my own.

This clearing would open me up to the energies of Peru and its ancient places. I had longed to come to Peru for over two decades. Not only was my prayer answered but the land was obviously preparing me for a more authentic, genuine energetic experience. I slept for fourteen hours in our hotel room.

The next day, I would share with Wilco and Brien individually that it felt as if I had an Ayahuasca experience without taking Ayahuasca. They both understood me. Brien remarked that Cusco calls deeply to some people. Quietly he recognized my calling. By the end of our Peruvian journey, I had more sense of our gentle shaman’s understanding as well.

Qoricancha – photo via Peru Hop

My beloved husband had returned from the walking tour of Cusco as the sun set. Brian shared what he remembered of the heart of Cusco ~ Qoricancha, and the roads through the city as well as the presenters’ discussions of pre-Incan megalithic construction and Incan stone building.

My love warmly shared the photos he took for me and what he had learned from the local anthropologist, our tour guide and more. Though I hadn’t set foot in the heart of Cusco that day, my heart felt full and so very grateful. It was the beginning of a meaningful and long awaited adventure, and I am so grateful for how we shared it together



Here is one resource that discusses Qoricancha:
https://www.peruhop.com/coricancha-sun-temple/

Grief & Love Persevering

How does one return to life after being visited by death?

For me, that answer has been gradually… sometimes messily then at moments abundantly or sporadically but at all times feeling that something has dramatically and inalterably changed about my life. Those who have navigated deep grief ~ over any type of loss ~ understand.

Several times, I had thought to write more fully about my journey and experiences of the past three years, but it seemed daunting, and I thought, “Later.” Now……. feels like later. So… this is my beginning Now to share some of what I could not begin to share until Later. New life is emerging in earnest now and yet it isn’t too late to share about death.

Death and grief, that tandem duo have danced through my life and the lives of those I love over the past three years.

Like everyone’s story in recent years, it began in 2020….. The shock of a global pandemic and the fear-filled collective uncertainty placed us all in the cross hairs of grief. We were shot through the heart with it, all of us. Personally, I was feeling all of that, AND it was augmented by a complete uprooting of my home and life simultaneously. My previous share “Moving Through This” speaks to that.

As I gain a wider perspective now, I see the continual and ongoing persevering that we have all been doing for years… that I have been doing for years. It seems that we have been adapting to and navigating through one traumatic event and pivotal change after another. It has been a gauntlet.

For our family, that year of 2020 concluded with our adult daughter moving out on her own in September and my husband’s mom undergoing open heart surgery in early November just a few weeks before we would complete the building of our new home. During our home building, I was still grieving the loss of the prior beloved house we had built together and just left after 15 years. Now I was also grieving the loss of having my daughter at home, as all empty nest moms know too well.

Life was in flux everywhere it seemed. Still, my resilient self was at the forefront. On November 2nd, I sat in the hospital waiting room as my mother-in-law was in surgery while her son diligently worked on crucial final details of our home build. Days before Thanksgiving 2020 we brought mom home to the rental house we were in, and the day after Thanksgiving we moved her into our newly built home to stay with us until she was recuperated enough to live on her own at her apartment. Home building and coping with an empty nest amidst a global pandemic while helping our mom through her health crisis was A LOT…

We had no idea how much we would get used to “a lot.” And as I offer that, I am certain that ALL OF US can say that!! We had no idea how much we would get used to “a lot.” Everyone I know has been through so very much in recent years. It really has just been “a lot!!!”

Being in our new home was a genuine blessing, but I couldn’t use the common phrase of “settling in.” There wasn’t a settled feeling about life then and wouldn’t be for a long while. Death and grief would knock on our door… again… and again.. and again……………….

Three months and three weeks after moving into our new home, my dad died suddenly, wrenching my world apart on the inside. One year, two months and a day after that, my husband’s father also passed. The impact would be with him everyday. Their nearly daily phone calls had come to an end. Together, my husband and I held continual space for one another’s deep grief.

In between the bookend deaths of our fathers, my last maternal uncle made his transition less than six months after my dad. Two months and a day after my uncle’s passing, his lifelong friend, his brother’s best friend and my much loved honorary uncle died as well. Two months and a day after my honorary uncle passed, his sister-in-law, my lifelong cheerleader and my kindred spirit, honorary aunt also made her transition.

My dad’s sudden death was a seismic, high magnitude earthquake in my life (and in the life of my brother and so many family and friends.) That earthquake was followed by aftershocks galore as it seemed one death after another came. It felt like dad had opened the door and one loved one after another had followed him, until my husband’s dad closed it gently behind him (for a while.)

Grief IS all that love we want to give to the one we’ve lost. Grief IS immense love with no place to go. Where there is grief, there has been great love. Grief, then, truly is love in a different expression.

After all, “It can’t all be sorrow can it?….. What is grief, if not love persevering?”

(Vision from the WandaVision television show.)

I could go on… and on… about the impacts of all these deaths and my journey through the grieving process. If you’re a friend of mine on Facebook, you’ve experienced that of me already. Still, this is not anything to be minimized or glossed over.

Coping with grief, death, profound losses of any kind and dramatic sudden change are all important and significant. Our society as a whole is ill-equipped to do so well, and we are ALL greatly in need of genuine care and support in navigating the grief strewn mine-field of life that we are living through now. We all need compassion and care, for ourselves and others, as we continue to return to life day after day with so much ongoing uncertainty, grief, loss and change. And so…


May we find that what has been heart breaking can be heart opening and connect us with one another anew. My belief is that it truly can. It is our shared humanity in earnest.


In time, I sense that I’ll share more of my personal journey of grief, grace and growing through it all.

For now, I simply wanted to share this glimpse of my own landscape of recent years. There has been so very much that has been meaningful and to be celebrated as well… and that even includes death’s knocks at our door. Through it all, love perseveres.

Sending you so much love.

~ DeAnne

When doves cry….

Chills and tears……..

For whatever reason, the death of Prince has broken my heart open wider this morning than at any time since learning of his sudden passing…

I had watched the sheriff’s news announcement from yesterday.  I was in the midst of reading an article that spoke of fans finding seemingly prophetic references to his April death in some of his song lyrics… My heart was heavy… The tears arrived like no time since his sudden passing.

The tears came in earnest….

and then…. 

honestly

at that exact moment…..

a dove struck the window of my home right in front of me and flew off……..

Yes, I’m still right here….
filled with an other-worldly sense of awe.

“This IS what it sounds like when doves cry……..”

and then THEY FLY.

white-dove-flying

I Do

I-think-I-fall-in-love-a-little-bit-with-anyone-who-shows-me-their-soul

 

I do… I truly do fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul.

My heart opens that much wider to feel even more love with every experience I have of someone dropping their guard, shedding a layer of armor, opening their heart, sharing a bit of their truth, owning their worth or claiming their Soulful expression…

Every time someone does this our world becomes a more real, genuine and beautiful place.

 So Much Love to you All 

~ DeAnne, Conscious Connections NOW

Image Source: ilovemylsi.com

 

SWEET SURRENDER

SWEET SURRENDER

This song played through me and called out to be shared on this day…. I was moved, heart and soul, to see how many people were touched by reconnecting with this musical ‘Sweet Surrender’ call by John Denver… I offered it on our Conscious Connections NOW community page. It will remain a favorite song and a precious potent experience.

HOLY, Holy, holy….

St.Sulpice

This moment and this precious sacred image called to be shared in honor of this Easter weekend 2014.

This remains one of my favorite images from my glorious divine feminine journey through France in 2012. I will never forget my solo sojourn through St. Sulpice in Paris, France days after walking in Magdalene’s footsteps.

I could sit and gaze upon this beautiful Pieta for hours… So much stirs of Beloved Love, Divine Union and a Sacred Lineage…. It is mesmerizing to behold.

 

I’ll Stand By You

I awoke this morning with this song playing over…. and over… and over… again inside me… “I’ll Stand By You.”

I began to hear it as the Beloved singing to me, for me.
LISTEN.  Imagine the Divine conveying every word and each feeling just for You. ❤

That, that is how unconditionally we are truly loved. Wow…. I will be walking through the world today feeling that Truth more deeply. Love to you all, D*

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
’cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
’cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

And when…
When the night falls on you, baby
You’re feeling all alone
You won’t be on your own

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

~ The Pretenders

Will you hold another???

Image

Will you hold another???

It has been an especially tumultuous week for many that I know, and many more, in our world…. I’m sure many of you have felt this and witnessed it.

As Matt Licata shared in his poem of the ‘Beloved’, we are being called to dive into the depths of our broken open hearts.

No one can truly do this for us but ourselves. Yet, we are not alone, ever.  As we witness those dear to us in profound pain or confusion, we can hold them. This ‘holding’ of another is not always a physical act of touch, words or support.

It can potently be an act of energetically holding the space of deep trust…..
Holding deep trust that they will fall INto themselves in this process.

In whatever way we are called, may we ‘hold’ one another through our processes of awakening and becoming…. of owning and loving all of who we are. There is so much love here, within and around each of us. I ‘hold’ this vision with you. ‘Holding’ on to Love, always. DeAnne, Conscious Connections NOWSacred Circle Retreats

This post by Matt Licata stirred me today as I witness and ‘hold’ dear ones who are struggling and yet emerging into the fullness of who they are.

“Will you hold another who has been touched by the darkness within? Will you love them enough to allow them to fall apart in your arms? To unravel, to become unglued, and to feel unbearably lost as the wisdom of their process unfolds? Will you be the space in which they can finally meet the feelings and emotions that have been kept at bay for a lifetime? To love another in this way you must toucheverything that is unresolved within you – all of your own unmet sadness, abandoned shame, discarded grief, and deserted aloneness. You are willing to no longer stay safe on the sidelines. You are willing to get messy. Even gooey and drippy.

Will you set aside your need for the other to change, to be different, to be “cured,” to be transformed, and to be healed? Will you resist the temptation to talk them out of their embodied experience, to tell them everything will be okay, and to dishonor the creativity hidden inside the unwanted? Will you allow your heart to break with them, and endure the urge inside you to put it all back together again? Will you fall into the unknown with them, holding them close, and provide a home for their brokenness?

To care about others, yourself, and the world in this way you must stay radically embodied. You are no longer interested in transcending suffering, confusion, and neurosis, for you see these as thundering expressions of the path itself. Please don’t turn away. As your attention moves out into the conceptual world, return to the wild intelligence of your body, for it is there that love is working behind the scenes, giving birth to its sweet activity in this dimension.

It is in this factory of love, which is operating as the temple of your own body, where the sacred world is revealing its essential secrets of healing: there is no “other,” there has never been an “other,” and there could never be an “other.” There is only the reflection of your own being.

Love is taking the pieces of your heart and is using them to re-assemble the world in front of you, each as an invitation sent to reveal to you the preciousness of what is really happening here.” ~ Matt Licata

Original “Will you hold another” post and verse by Matt Licata.

“The beloved is alive…” by Matt Licata

Love Wisdom

The Love Wisdom  ~ of Mother Teresa & Princess DianaImage
 “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”
~ Mother Teresa

“I knew what my job was; it was to go out and meet the people and love them.”
~ Princess Diana

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
~ Mother Teresa”

I think the biggest disease the world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved. I know that I can give love for a minute, for half an hour, for a day, for a month, but I can give. I am very happy to do that, I want to do that.”
~ Princess Diana

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” ~ Mother Teresa

“Every one of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves.” ~ Princess Diana

“…do small things with great love.” ~ Mother Teresa

“I touch people. I think everyone needs that. Placing a hand on a friend’s face means making contact.” ~ Princess Diana

“Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.” ~ Mother Teresa

“Helping people in need is a good and essential part of my life, a kind of destiny.”
~ Princess Diana

“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” ~ Mother Teresa

This heart wisdom is shared in honor of these two divinely mothering souls and in remembrance of their passings so close together in 1997 ~ Diana, August 31st and Mother Teresa, September 5th 1997.

May their wisdom and example remind us how TO LOVE IN THIS WORLD. 
~ DeAnne Wolfgram, Conscious Connections NOW

At the time that Princess Diana and Mother Teresa passed from this world, I was living with cancer of the womb. I was aware of the legacy of love and the empowerment of mothering that these women represented at the very time that I was letting go of birthing more children.  There was a soulful feeling of significance for me then.  I continue to feel it. To this very day, I feel a calling to “spread love” everywhere I can. ~ DeAnne